Into Darkness Into Light
by Ash to Dust
Summary: Into Darkness Spoilers. I am eternally glad that I was the one they woke. I was not bloodthirsty, I was not savage. Not like they were, I can only imagine the damage they would have caused if I alone was capable of bringing Earth to its knees. I never wanted to do what the Admiral ordered. I understood the consequences of war. Harrison /Khan character study.
1. Into Darkness

Ok, so Star Trek Into Darkness was epic, and brilliant and an intelligent twist on a classic plotline. Benedict Cumberbatch's acting, as always, was incredible. But I was thinking, alternate timeline meant a different Khan, who actually was he, what was his background? So this fic was born, half character exploration half AU. Enjoy.

* * *

Into Darkness, Into Light.

* * *

'My name in Khan.'

Well, strictly that isn't true. Khan was the designation given to my eugenic chain. We weren't given names.

Officially my personal designation was Khan-017.

Not much of an identity I agree, but we grew with no understanding of the meaning of names.

I was one of many brothers and sisters, genetically engineered humans created to end the Eugenics War.

But something went wrong with me.

I was as strong, as smart as my brothers and sisters, but I was more emotional, more human, more… attached.

As a result I became an experiment. It was not pleasant, or painless. They took me apart to see how I worked, they left me broken. I don't know how long this went on for, I would rather not remember.

* * *

So they tried a different tactic.

She came, a human psychologist, good at her job but nothing special, not to them. To me, she was the first person to treat me as an individual, as a human being.

It was new, nice.

She opened my eyes to the world. She gave me a name, an identity.

Sherlock.

She spent time with me whenever she could, away from the horrors of the conflict outside. Away from the training we were going through. I never enjoyed the training as my brothers and sisters did.

I was different.

'Sherlock'

'My favourite fictional character, you're quite like him, social incompetent, complete genius, intensely loyal. I felt that it fit.'

'Sherlock Khan.'

She sees the doubt on my face.

'It's no worse than Leyna Sarcovska.'

I have to agree with her, her name is far worse.

I learnt what humour was that day. I learnt to laugh.

* * *

No longer a physical experiment, I was now a social experiment, run in the background to the war.

I became an inspiration to my brothers.

One Khan took the name Noonien Singh, taking inspiration from his roots. He was the one to lead my brothers and sisters to end the war, at terrible cost.

We were hated, different, wrong. Our rule, however fair, would not be accepted.

So we slept for over three hundred years.

* * *

I am eternally glad that I was the one they woke. I was not bloodthirsty, I was not savage. Not like they were, I can only imagine the damage they would have caused if I alone was capable of bringing Earth to its knees.

I never wanted to do what the Admiral ordered. I understood the consequences of war.

It was not until I saw my Leyna asleep amongst my brothers and sisters, not until the Admiral threatened them, threatened her, that I co-operated.

Physical pain I could stand, but humans were smarter now.

After that I acted like a true Khan.

Until I believed she had burnt and died, then I became infinitely more dangerous. I had nothing left to lose.

* * *

Funny how emotions can bring out the worst in you.

* * *

I could empathise with Spock, some part of me wanted to help. Maybe that's why I couldn't kill him.

I surrendered to the very people I had tried to destroy in my grief and anger. My blood had saved their captain. My blood couldn't save her. It didn't need to save her.

'My family is gone.'

'Your family are alive, they're safe. I did guarantee their safety didn't I?'

It turns out hope is a funny emotion too.

* * *

She is so close, yet so far. Nothing but ice separating us.

I think I finally understand love.

My hand rests on the glass; fingers caress a face I cannot reach. My captors give me a look I cannot comprehend. Later I will learn it is sympathy.

They look surprised when I ask to be put back to sleep, back under the ice. To stay near her and let the years pass us by until the world is ready to accept us.

I will accept my punishment then, whatsoever they chose.

* * *

They surprise me.

Instead of putting me back to my rest they wake her up.

And forgive me.

It is a forgiveness I do not deserve. Humans have an incredible capacity for good. I wish I had met these men first, I wish they had been the ones to wake me.

So many people could have been spared.

Regardless of what I did in London, I genuinely did want to save that little girl.

I put the past behind me. Rehabilitation is what they call it.

Now I am Sherlock. I serve abroad the Enterprise on her five year mission. It is an honour I don't deserve, I am thankful every day.

I am also happily married. I can never deserve Leyna Sarcovska. She is the best of humanity and she is helping me find the humanity within myself, helping McCoy find a way to undo what they did to me. I don't want to be a Khan anymore.

* * *

The rest of my brothers and sisters sleep.

It is safer that way.


	2. Into Light

At the request of zeynel here is more. It's sort of turned into an almost crossover, but I'll leave it here becuase they're not actually the same character.

* * *

Adjusting is difficult.

I was bred for war, not for a normal everyday life. No matter how different I was my purpose remained, always there, in the back of my mind, the urge to dominate, to destroy.

Dr McCoy's progress was slow, but it was progress nonetheless.

Psychologically, there was nothing medicine could do.

Physically there was a chance, a chance to be normal.

'I can't guarantee that it will ever work, or that it won't hurt like hell.'

'Physical pain I can deal with.'

McCoy was smart enough to read the subtext. Emotional pain, something I was now acutely aware of, was something I couldn't.

* * *

Surprisingly we only have one major argument and it's to do with surnames of all things.

'Are you going to use Harrison or Khan or something else?'

'I don't know.'

Deciding on Sherlock had not been a problem, Leyna had made that decision a long time ago and it had stuck. But now I was expected to make the decisions.

I had not been bred for such trivial things.

Eventually we settle for Holmes.

It sounds poetic to my ears, even more so when the crew begin to address her as Mrs Holmes.

* * *

McCoy recruits a bright retired Starfleet doctor, wounded in action during the Nero crisis to help with his research.

He was correct in one regard. It is not painless.

But it is worth it.

* * *

With every treatment I feel more human.

* * *

The new doctor is called John Watson. Leyna finds it hilariously ironic. I don't understand until she passes me a book, a genuine paper one because she knows I prefer them.

'The Complete Collection of Sherlock Holmes.'

'I think it's time you know what I expect you to live up to.' Her grin is teasing, easy. The kiss is brief but cleansing.

I finish the entire collection within a week.

John Watson and I become good friends. It is the first true friendship I have ever formed.

* * *

Once, they contemplate waking another Khan.

It nearly undoes all the good work I've achieved.

'You can't!'

'Why not? You turned out alright in the end.'

'They are not the same. You wake one of them and destruction will fall upon this ship and this crew.'

'You can calm them down.'

'They never accepted me. They certainly won't now.'

'But you're a Khan.'

The words strike closer to my heart than is comfortable. Instinctively I strike back, venom in my voice.

'Not anymore.'

Somehow those two words make me sound more like a Khan than I have in nearly a year.

* * *

The gym suffers that night.

* * *

In the end even I am surprised by where the help comes from.

It is not John, my closest friend, nor Leyna, my wife.

No.

Help comes from the one crew member who has done their best to avoid me.

* * *

One afternoon, during a break from that day's medical experiments I am unexpectedly joined by Spock.

Neither of us have ever been good with social interaction.

'The doctor tells me you are struggling with your emotions.'

'What of it?'

'I believe my advice would be beneficial. It is logical.'

A pause. The next words seem to be a battle.

'You are not the only one who has struggled with emotion.'

Spock teaches me to meditate. To categorise my mind even more effectively. To identify, experience and acknowledge my emotions.

I have never felt more drained, or more content with my identity.

* * *

Sometime during the night, tutoring Khan, Holmes, to control his emotions Spock stops hating him.

It was an illogical feeling to begin with.

Physician, heal thyself indeed.

* * *

It takes a further two months for McCoy to perfect his work.

I cannot remember much other than pain. It is a familiar feeling from the days of experimentation.

The results, however, are infinitely more appealing.

'Congratulations Sherlock.' Watson greets me when I wake. 'Your DNA is officially 100% normal.'

My mind is most definitely not, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have new brothers and sisters now.

* * *

With my permission McCoy keeps a vial or two of my previously superhuman blood. With it, he is able to synthesise countless cures.

I meticulously keep count.

The day the number I have saved surpasses the number I have killed I finally feel clean.

* * *

'So, any idea which department you want to settle in?' Kirk, endlessly compassionate Kirk, asks once my rehabilitation is complete.

From my experience with Chemistry the decision is easy. Decisions have been coming easier for a while now.

Blue, apparently, suits my eyes.

Kirk begins to request my presence on away missions. My reflexes may be slower, my strength less, but my aim is still as good as ever.

I save Kirk's life again and again. Often, I don't realise, at considerable risk to myself. Eventually my luck catches up with me.

* * *

I wake in sickbay, groggy and aching.

According to McCoy I took a bullet meant for the captain. It had been close.

When I am released Spock tentatively (or as tentatively as a Vulcan can) invites me for a game of chess.

I lose the game, but emerge victorious.

* * *

After all, I would do anything for my family.


End file.
